“Children need the parents most when they (children) fail/fall… it is easy to feel proud of Children’s success anyway!”
~Joyful Ranga, Mahacharya, Joyful Vedanta.
In today’s relentlessly competitive world—where success is measured by ranks, cut-offs, and speed—children often find themselves battling more than just exams. They battle pressure, fear of failure, self-doubt, and loneliness.
A recent viral moment, where a father lovingly supported his son who was struggling with JEE preparation, struck a deep chord across the country. He didn’t scold. He didn’t panic. He simply communicated with understanding—and that made all the difference.
In times of challenge, a parent’s words can become a refuge. The Dharma of parenting is not limited to guiding a child through success—it is, above all, to communicate strength when the child is falling. The way we speak to our children during these moments can shape their confidence, emotional intelligence, and self-worth for life.
The Silent Crisis: Children Need Us to Talk, Not Judge
Many modern parents carry the best intentions but struggle with the how of communication. We might be available physically but emotionally unreachable. Often, we default to advice, criticism, or comparison, especially when our children stumble. But it is not silence or scolding that children need during failure—it is connection.
Communication is not about having all the answers. It is about being available with presence and grace, especially when your child is experiencing self-doubt, anxiety, or confusion.
Echoes from the Epics: How Parents Spoke with Love and Power
- Janaka and Sita – The Art of Listening
King Janaka never imposed expectations on his daughter, Sita. Even when she chose to follow Rama into exile, he did not resist. He had taught her independence and stood by her choices. His greatest communication was silent trust—an invitation to speak and be heard.
- Kunti and the Pandavas – Words That Shape Warriors
Kunti constantly reminded her sons of their higher duty, but never through blame or pressure. Even when they were in exile, her words reflected clarity, courage, and love. She helped them see challenges as sacred duties, not punishments. Her strength lays in choosing the right words at the right time.
- Dasharatha and Rama – Grief Expressed, Respect Intact
Though Dasharatha’s heart broke when Rama left for exile, he didn’t turn his sorrow into guilt for his son. He mourned with dignity, never using emotional manipulation. It’s a lesson in how even painful communication must carry respect.
- Jijabai and Shivaji – Words That Ignite Purpose
Jijabai didn’t just raise Shivaji—she mentored him. She narrated stories of dharma and justice to him every day. Her words were filled with vision and inspiration, planting seeds of greatness in his young mind.
What Today’s Parents Can Learn: Communicate with Clarity, Compassion, and Consistency
- Talk About Feelings Before Fixing Problems
Before rushing to solutions, ask: “How are you feeling about this?”
Let your child name their emotions. This simple act of acknowledgement reduces internal pressure and invites deeper connection.
- Replace ‘Why Didn’t You?’ with ‘I’m Here to Understand’
Accusations and doubts push children away. Start instead with, “I want to understand what you went through.”
This reopens emotional doors and makes your child feel safe to share.
- Use the Power of Storytelling to Communicate Values
Like Kunti and Jijabai, share stories from the epics or your own life. Children often resist direct advice but absorb values through narratives. Say, “Let me tell you about a time I also felt afraid…”
- Acknowledge Their Effort—Even When They Fall Short
Say, “You worked hard, and I saw that. The result doesn’t change my love or respect.” This not only strengthens self-worth but builds emotional resilience.
- Make Time for Conversations Without Agenda
Create space daily—free from screens, instructions, or judgments. Just talk. Ask them how their day was, what made them laugh, what stressed them out. These everyday chats build a lifetime of trust.
Simple Communication Ritual for Modern Parents
Try starting a 15-minute ‘Open Lamp Time’ every night. Light a small lamp or candle, sit together with your child, and ask:
“What was the hardest part of your day today?”
“What’s something you wish others understood about you?”
You answer too. Let this be a space of mutual sharing—without advice, correction, or criticism. Let there be a subtle Agni Saakshi to the most important and open of conversations.
In Conclusion: Words Build Worlds
A child’s heart is shaped not just by what they achieve but by how they are spoken to when they don’t.
In our culture, the greatest parenting was done not with textbooks but through words soaked in love, vision, and dharma. Janaka listened. Kunti inspired. Jijabai ignited courage. You and I—modern parents—can do the same.
When your child feels lost, your words can become their compass. When they fall, your voice can be their net.
When they doubt themselves, your silence or scorn can become scars—or your reassurance, their strength.
Communicate like Dharma demands, not the comparisons force — truthfully, tenderly, and with trust.
Because when a parent speaks with presence, a child begins to believe in themselves again.